No, he is not my 'father' in any respect. Not even 'step'. I'm so angry right now.
We went to a friend's house today to exchange Christmas gifts and have dinner together. Dinner was delicious, but unfortunately I wasn't able to enjoy it. As the rest of us were enjoying over-dinner conversation, el esposo de mi madre chimed in with how he didn't 'care for' about fifty trillion different things. As a long advocate of specific language, I couldn't help balling my fists up under the table and trying not to strangle him. (Seating me next to him was probably a mistake on my mom's part.)
But it's more than that. I've got so much crap built up from the lack-thereof nature of my relationship with my dad that it's hard for me to stand with almost any man behind me, and jerkfaces (see above) only make that worse. My mum's husband didn't ask me before he proposed to my mum. I wouldn't be able to complain as much if he had, but he didn't, so I can.
I know what I would have said if he asked me if I was okay with it. No. They'd only been dating for about seven months, waaaay too short a time for two people to be together before considering marriage. Plus, I was fourteen. I was in the middle of massive issues over Mr. Biology, and the last thing I needed was more emotional baggage. Which I now have.
It isn't fair for me to try to enter into an equal relationship with anyone -- especially a boy -- when I've got all these issues from previous males in my life.
My mum asked me tonight if I'm happy. Know the answer?
Huge, resounding, no.
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